I've decided to get rid of the humongous (375 mg a day) doses of Venlaflaxine (trade name Effexor) I've been taking for around a decade.
I'm sure that when I was in a situation that caused/triggered/fed that bastard black dog, they saved my life.
But once the triggers were removed, I stayed with the drug, which I truly believe was a mistake.
The very thing that saves you in the fight against the black dog, hinders your ability to properly heal.
I am humbly indebted to Professor Saxby Pridmore who I have no doubt whatsoever saved me from suicide. His patience, caring and persistence is very, very much appreciated. Thank you, sir.
I was very wary of weaning away from this drug, as there are horror stories galore about it's ability to fuck you right up with withdrawal symptoms. But not this little black duck, no way. I will have my life again, or die in the attempt. For a life not felt, filled with the emotions of living, is not a life at all.
I carefully reduced the dose over 6 months. 5 a day, then 4, then 5 a day for two days, then 4, then 5, 4, 5, 4, 3, 4, 4, 3, 4, 4, 3. Then 4, 3, 4, 3, 4 etc, you get the drift.
Only side effects were the "sparking, short circuit" sensation in the head. I attribute this to the brain cracking the shits that it has to do the serotonin thing without help from drugs. Useless cunt of a thing, get over it.
The other was.. is, the weird sensation of "feeling" again.
That's both exhilarating and scary at the same time. for after a decade of suppressing emotion, in an attempt to survive, this emotion thing can be really fucked.
I embrace it, it is fucking awesome.
Now, there is no doubt that the black bastard dog will try and tear my throat out. But now I know I can feel the difference 'tween anger. frustration, hate and depression, well, the cunt's got no chance.
The world, that poor, unsuspecting entity has no chance.
I'm BA-AAAAACK!
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